While we here at No Rhubarb! are somewhat dormant during the off-season, patiently waiting for Spring Training and the orgy of aging white guy reminisces that entails, we are also blogging America's most important game: politics. Along with an old friend, we have begun to blog at Electoral College Dropouts, and we promise to bring to the 2008 presidential election the same utter lack of knowledge and research you find here. Enjoy.
No, please, do come visit.
Huh... somebody needs a new demon goat creature. The Rainiers are looking for a new demon-spawn Rhubarb. Apparently the last person to fill the costume was either tired of the goofy-yet-utterly-terrifying antics or God has finally hit the SMITE button and is ridding the world of these glassy-eyed monsters.
So, hey, why don't you try out?
Thanks to Zastica for pointing this out.
In answer to the almost-inevitable question: No, no, no... a thousand times no.
We've been working on a post regarding the Seattle SuperSonics and their possible (okay, probable) move to Oklahoma City. It isn't done yet, but we would like to take a quick moment to point that it's obvious the new owners aren't trying real hard. Say, for instance, this listing at the Sonics Team Shop. This very nice Sonics Flex Fit cap is currently for sale, but with an asking price of $28, 479.00, we think action will be a mite slow. We here at No Rhubarb are cap aficionados, but we rarely buy caps that top the 20K mark.
We're only mostly dead.
Actually, not dead at all. The last couple months have been a blur to me, and unfortunately this and my other blog have taken quite the hit. But fear not No Rhubarbian, we shall return with random updates all throughout the off-season. We'll hit any Rainiers news we come upon, and we shall spend a few hitting on the Pacific Northwest sports scene. Quick Version: Yay MLS, Boo NBA.
And I would be remiss not to mention the shout out we've received from Ben's Biz, a fantastic new blog from MiLB.com. Unlike many of the MLB corporate blogs, which run from the mundane to the ridiculous, Benjamin Hill knows his stuff and seems to love the minor leagues as much as we do. Please check him out.
We are not dead. Only sleeping. Actually, sleep is rather the opposite of what is going on here. We've been busy. We are...
... putting on a show! Come see it and figure out the mystery!
...making life miserable for local restaurateurs!
...playing with this thing, which might be God's perfect time-waster.
...getting yet another animal!
...getting seriously chagrined when we describe ourselves as “blogger”.
So, where do we go from here? The Rainiers are done for year. Minor league baseball – while now close to a year-round affair due to various winter leagues – won't be seen around these parts until next spring. We could – and almost certainly will – continue to blog about the other, slightly less local franchises. We've also kicked around the idea of following either the UPS or PLU football teams, and while we may keep abreast of them, we can't see that idea completely taking hold. Mostly because we don't have a clue about UPS or PLU football.
We'll work on it.
The Pittsburgh Steelers are a proud franchise. A tough, blue-collar team based born in a blue-collar city. A team owned by the same family for 50 years, originally purchased with the patriarch's gambling winnings. The same basic black uniforms, the same three coaches in 30 years. A team built on toughness and defense. A hard team led by hard men. Fans that are truly fanatical, spread around the world. A team that does things the right way. A team that understands that football is war. A team that never concerns itself with frivolities. A team with no cheerleaders.
Now though, they do have a mascot. In honor of the team's 75th anniversary, the Steelers have unleashed Steely McBeam on the world.
Now, we are fans of the Seahawks, and we cannot mock anyone when it comes to mascots. We do have to mention though, that every time we see Steely, we can't help but think of this, our favoritest Simpsons moment ever.
Keep reaching for that rainbow Steelers fans!
If you are the Salem-Keizer Volcanoes, what exactly do you do for a mascot? Like Rainiers, this is not a name that lends itself well for mascotdom. A geological formation – especially one with the ability to destroy cities – doesn't seem like a natural.
So, if you are the Salem-Keizer Volcanoes, you go a little nuts. Meet Crater:
No, we don't have any idea what Crater might be. Now, the Volcanoes one up themselves and feature Lil Crater. We don't know if this is Crater's son or mini-me. If he is the son, we have no idea what the mother would look like, and our sanity is contingent on the fact that we never, ever think about it.
Lastly, rummaging about the Salem-Keizer official site – one so poorly put together it reminds us of a late-90's GeoCities page, we also find this picture.
Apparently this is Blooper, who looks to us like nothing more than an orange and blue gorilla.
Just like God intended it.
The Rainiers got off to a strong start, ripping Nashville starter Mark DiFelice for six runs in 4 2/3. Starter Jake Woods wasn't much better though, giving up five runs over five innings. After the Sounds rallied in the sixth to tie, which carried the game into extra innings. In the the 10th Nashville pulled ahead on Brad Thomas' two-run double. Tacoma didn't go down though, scoring three to win, the last on Brant Ust's walk-off single.
Box
A complete game win for the Rainiers. Redbirds reclamation project Rick Ankiel hitting a standup triple in the first. Ryan Feierabend giving up two quick runs in the first and then shutting Memphis down.
None of these things matter. What matters tonight is that we have seen the Zooperstars.
And they are a billion times creepier than you can imagine. With the help of Kevin Frietas-dot-net – our copilot and photographer – we will bring this to you.
A hint? Harry Canary and the Black Eyed Peas. Specifically, “My Humps”.
You have been warned.
Box
This is not a giant rat. This is not a giant rat. This is not a giant rat. This is not a giant rat. This is not a giant rat. This is not a giant rat. This is not a giant rat. This is not a giant rat. This is not a giant rat. This is not a giant rat. This is not a giant rat
Okay, it's a giant rat.
Actually, it only looks like a giant rat. This is actually Chatter the squirrel and mascot of the Class-A Visalia Oaks. We would like to point out to very nice and disturbing details from this picture. You can see for yourself the overall horror of this giant rat creature, but now, focus on the small stuff.
1-The sleeves of the costume must not be quite long enough, because we can see the wrist of whatever unlucky soul has to wear this thing.
2-Chatter's giant, freaky, unblinking eyes are shaded like acorns. We don't know what this means, but it will haunt our dreams.
Adam Jones is back in the show. While this move is about three months too late for Mariner fans, we in Tacoma will surely miss him. The Mariners are being tightlipped about his role with the team, but anyone who's followed Adam knows he should be in the Seattle outfield every day. Hey Adam, you're joining a team in the midst of a pennant race and apparently some of the vets aren't that happy to see you. The Mariner blogosphere is pretty thrilled though.
No pressure.
Now, the post of Our Favorite Rainier is officially open. Wlad Balentien? Kameron Mickolio? Watch this space...
The modern-day Pacific Coast League is a massive enterprise consisting of 16 teams stretching from Tacoma and Portland in the Pacific Northwest to New Orleans of the Deep South. These are the teams our hometown nine will face throughout the long season. You must know the enemy!
The Team: Memphis Redbirds
The City: Memphis, Tennessee
The Affiliation: St. Louis Cardinals
The Website: MemphisRedbirds.com
The Ballpark: AutoZone Park. Commonly described as “one-third a major league park”, AutoZone Park was the most expensive minor-league baseball park ever built when it opened in 2000. Rainier voice Mike Curto has stated on the air that this is his favorite PCL park.
The History: Like New Orleans, Memphis was a longtime member of the Southern Association. The Memphis Chickasaws (or Chicks usually) were members up until the circuit's collapse in the early sixties. Later the Memphis Blues competed in both the Texas League and the Southern League. Triple-A baseball came to Memphis for the first time in 1998 with the arrival of the Redbirds.
The Name: Chickasaws? C'mon...
The Prospects: Memphis is all about Rick Ankiel. If it weren't for the amazing story of Josh Hamilton playing for the Reds after years lost to substance abuse, Ankiel would be the comeback story of 2007. Once heralded as the second coming of Steve Carlton, Ankiel made his major league debut at 20 and pitched the entire 2000 season in the Cardinal rotation. A surprise choice to start the first game of the NLCS against Atlanta, his start was a disaster, as Ankiel became the first pitcher since 1890 to throw five wild pitches in one inning. After that, his career fell of a cliff. An apparent victim of Steve Blass Disease, he would eventually bottom out a Johnson City, the lowest rung on the Cardinal minor league ladder. In 54 innings he threw 10 wild pitches and walked 49 batters. Following Tommy John surgery, Ankiel made a comeback. As an outfielder. Always a tremendous athlete and fine hitting pitcher, Ankiel has worked his way back up through the Cardinal system at center, and he currently leads the PCL in homers.
The Ownership: There is none, actually. The Redbirds are actually considered a charitable organization, and any profits the team makes go toward baseball's very worthy RBI and STRIPE programs.
The Schedule Quirk: The Redbirds are a skip team for Tacoma this season. Memphis comes to Tacoma this year, but the Rainiers won't see AutoZone Park until 2008.
Hey, lookee here, the Rainiers pitched themselves a shutout! Jorge Campillo started and went the first five. Jake Woods went the final four innings and notched his first save of the season. Nick Green tripled and scored on Jeremy Reed's sacrifice fly in the first, and Tacoma takes three out of four against the RedHawks.
The Rainiers come home for a nice long eight-game homestand starting tomorrow against Memphis.
Box
There are times when following a team – any team, but especially a baseball team – can get to be a grind. The Rainiers dropping three in a row to New Orleans and on the verge of getting swept is one of those times. The best news? Our Favorite Rainier - who, seriously needs to be promoted like today – doubled and scored, and Wladimir Balentien hit his 23rd homer. It just wasn't enough.
Box
As far as I can tell, absolutely nothing interesting happened during this game.
Box
After the weather-induced mess over the past weekend, an extra-inning game following a cross-country flight is exactly what the Rainiers didn't need.
But that is exactly what they got, falling to the Zephyrs 4-2, on a twelfth-inning, walk-off, two-run homer by New Orleans rightfielder Jesus Feliciano. The recently demoted Jason Davis started for Tacoma, giving up two runs over five. No Rhubarb! favorite Kameron Mickolio took the loss.
Same two teams tomorrow at 5 Pacific.
Box
Okay, we ended up taking a bit longer than expected. The great stair adventure from last week - combined with the release of the final Harry Potter – led to a more extended absence than we expected.
We do apologize. But we're back, still sticking to our oddball third-person narrative and obsession with a rather lousy minor league baseball team. Lucky for us, we didn't miss much due to the awful weather.
Seriously, it's late July, what the hell is up with this? We convinced the Missus Frinklin to move here from San Diego for chrissakes. She needs some sort of sun, or she may very well explode.
Okay, baseball. After a rather uninspiring series against Salt Lake – the Rainiers won only once in four – the weather hit and it's been difficult to get any baseball played. The Rainiers were set to play Las Vegas in a doubleheader today, and we'll see how that goes.
Then, on to New Orleans!
Yeah, the blog went silent for a few days, but I have a damned good reason. I fell down the stairs at my house. Yeah, clumsy blogger + scary 100-year old staircase = look out below.
I'm okay though, and now that a good 1/3 of body doesn't hurt, I"ll be back around.
Now, we here at No Rhubarb! are baseball fans. We love the simple beauty and joy of the game; the perfect rhythms and dynamic contrasts; rich history and oftentimes bewildering contradictions. We are now and always will be baseball fans. We understand that taking a round ball and a round bat and hitting it square might be the hardest thing to do in sports. We also fashion ourselves traditionalists: life without the DH is more fun, artificial turf comes from the devil, baseball uniforms are supposed to be white at home and gray on the road. We loathe the unceasing parade of lousy Top-40 music played at every chance in nearly every ballpark we've seen. We yearn for the return of organs at baseball parks.
Now, this may make us seem like those crusty old bastards who won't accept anything past 1929, who ramble on endlessly about the Brooklyn Dodgers and when Cincinnati had the decency to be called the Redlegs. No.
Anyway, we understand there there is larceny in baseball and there is lunacy in baseball. We understand that sometimes it isn't the action on the field that keeps 'em coming in. And we understand that this lunacy is most perfectly expressed at the minor league park. It always has been.
And this is why we need the Rainiers to get with the program. While we understand that switch in ownership groups has hampered the promotions department, but we're past that now. Need some pointers? Just watch this space. We will attempt to find the best, the goofiest thing a minor league club has going on this year.
Case in point: The West Michigan White Caps are having Star Wars night. We've mentioned the natural Star Wars and baseball connection already, but this one goes a bit farther. Clone Trooper singing the national anthem. Costumed characters throwing out the first pitch. A big screen showing The Empire Strikes Back. No, the White Caps are taking it to the next level. Witness: the Star Wars uniform:
This, THIS is what we need. Get to it folks.
Thanks to the almighty Deadspin for the tip.
The Dayton Dragons – Class A affiliate of the Cincinnati Reds – have some things going for them. “Dragons” is a very cool name. We love the Dragon logo. We aren't a huge fan of the green and black color scheme, but we can tolerate the white home uniform.
So what the hell are they doing here? Look, we understand that the very nature of mascots mean that whatever cool or even slightly threatening image has to be denatured into the blandest, most “family-friendly” thing they can come up with.
Having said that, we must point out that “Heater” the boy dragon is quite simply the wimpiest-looking dragon ever. And “Gem” the girl dragon is so creepy it makes us nauseous.
Photo Courtesy of DaytonDragons.com
