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The Pittsburgh Steelers are a proud franchise. A tough, blue-collar team based born in a blue-collar city. A team owned by the same family for 50 years, originally purchased with the patriarch's gambling winnings. The same basic black uniforms, the same three coaches in 30 years. A team built on toughness and defense. A hard team led by hard men. Fans that are truly fanatical, spread around the world. A team that does things the right way. A team that understands that football is war. A team that never concerns itself with frivolities. A team with no cheerleaders.

Now though, they do have a mascot. In honor of the team's 75th anniversary, the Steelers have unleashed Steely McBeam on the world.

Now, we are fans of the Seahawks, and we cannot mock anyone when it comes to mascots. We do have to mention though, that every time we see Steely, we can't help but think of this, our favoritest Simpsons moment ever.

Keep reaching for that rainbow Steelers fans!

If you are the Salem-Keizer Volcanoes, what exactly do you do for a mascot? Like Rainiers, this is not a name that lends itself well for mascotdom. A geological formation – especially one with the ability to destroy cities – doesn't seem like a natural.

So, if you are the Salem-Keizer Volcanoes, you go a little nuts. Meet Crater:

No, we don't have any idea what Crater might be. Now, the Volcanoes one up themselves and feature Lil Crater. We don't know if this is Crater's son or mini-me. If he is the son, we have no idea what the mother would look like, and our sanity is contingent on the fact that we never, ever think about it.

Lastly, rummaging about the Salem-Keizer official site – one so poorly put together it reminds us of a late-90's GeoCities page, we also find this picture.

Apparently this is Blooper, who looks to us like nothing more than an orange and blue gorilla.

Just like God intended it.

The Rainiers got off to a strong start, ripping Nashville starter Mark DiFelice for six runs in 4 2/3. Starter Jake Woods wasn't much better though, giving up five runs over five innings. After the Sounds rallied in the sixth to tie, which carried the game into extra innings. In the the 10th Nashville pulled ahead on Brad Thomas' two-run double. Tacoma didn't go down though, scoring three to win, the last on Brant Ust's walk-off single.


A complete game win for the Rainiers. Redbirds reclamation project Rick Ankiel hitting a standup triple in the first. Ryan Feierabend giving up two quick runs in the first and then shutting Memphis down.

None of these things matter. What matters tonight is that we have seen the Zooperstars.

And they are a billion times creepier than you can imagine. With the help of Kevin Frietas-dot-net – our copilot and photographer – we will bring this to you.

A hint? Harry Canary and the Black Eyed Peas. Specifically, “My Humps”.

You have been warned.


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