No Rhubarb!

Imagine you are Roger Clemens. A few months away from your 46 birthday, your long and storied career in baseball seems to be over. Despite a fine year with the New York Yankees, you've become persona non grata within the major leagues. So what do you do? Money isn't an object, you've made tens of millions, perhaps hundreds. You really don't have the personality to work on television, but you're desperate to stay within the game.

Well, do the Huntsville Stars have an offer for you. The Stars, named after the nearby Marshall Space Flight Center, recently reworked their logo and uniforms to incorporate a rocket theme. They've offered Clemens a job.

As the mascot.

According to Ben Hill's Biz Blog, the Stars want Roger Clemens – the best pitcher of his generation – to be a the secondary mascot. They already have Homer the Polecat as their primary mascot. But when Homer is indisposed, “Clemens, as 'Rocket', will dress as an astronaut and simply interact with fans and assist with on-field promotions”.

Okay, I'll fly my ass down to Alabama if it means seeing Roger Clemens – the famously intemperate Clemens – dressed up as an astronaut. Can Tacoma match this? Maybe once Randy Johnson retires we can dress him up as a mountain?